Practicing Radical Empathy

Care instructions, fragile: Israel + Palestine

Oct 11, 2023

The world cracked open for many of us who love Israel and Palestine last Saturday and many of us are not ok. We are anxious about the people and places that we love in Israel and Palestine. We are scared of what will happen in those places that we love, to the people we love. We are scared about being targeted ourselves in the US and the other places that we call home.

In this collective global moment, we are all being called to practice radical empathy, which for some of us is going to be super hard and tricky in the coming week. It’s ok; we can do hard things.

I know that there is a lot of confusion and misinformation circulating around about what is happening and how to respond that is activating our nervous systems. That kind of distraction, while well intended in some cases, does not foster connection, empathy, or kindness, which is what we need right now. It is with this in my mind and heart that I am offering up the following tips for how to be an ally to Jews, Palestinians, and Israelis by offering some ways to engage when you feel called to do so.

I want to invite you, encourage you, to check in on your Jewish, Palestinian, and Israeli family, friends, colleagues, and community members in the coming months. This war has changed, is changing as I write these words, the geopolitical landscape and we don’t know what happens next. This is likely to be a long war so remember to keep checking on us. The news cycle will move on soon, our hearts will not.

Do not expect any of us to have answers and do not ask us to explain what is going on (see the resource list below for some places to learn). As an ally, that is your work to do. And also, don’t be afraid to explore and form your own opinions. In doing so be sure your sources are accurate. Remember to check your own confidence, however, as you learn more. Some of us have been living this for generations and cannot explain, understand, or make sense of it. That’s ok.

Many of us are being triggered about past violence experienced by our family and ourselves. Translation? Handle us with care; your sensitivity will be warmly welcomed. Generational trauma is real and is moving through some of our systems in challenging, activating, and exhausting ways.

I am an American Jew. I am not a member of the Palestinian community so that is not my experience to speak to. That said, as a person who has many Palestinian and Muslim friends that I love dearly I am fearful that Palestinians and Muslims in general will be targeted with hate crimes and speech as many were in the years that followed 9/11. Please check in on them as you do your Jewish and Israeli people.

Here are some specific suggestions:

If you work in education or are involved in schools, please prepare your teachers and admin staff in the schools for an increased vulnerability of hate crimes and speech against Jewish, Palestinian, and Israeli kids and teachers. This can be achieved by having a conversation with a trained facilitator and your community about antisemitism and racism, how it manifests, how it looks, and how to support Jewish, Palestinian, and Israeli students and teachers through this.
Encourage your family and community to explore history, literature, media arts, social media accounts, music, food, and cultural studies to expand the sources that you use to discuss the Middle East to include diverse representatives of authorship, perspective, orientation, and storytelling.
Keep a close eye on the Jews, Palestinians, and Israelis in your life. Be on the look out for signs of depression and anxiety. If you see these signs in these folx please encourage them to seek professional help.
You do not need to be performative or public in your own processing of this specific brand of violence and trauma. You do, however, need to sit with it when you can and think about how you want to be with it, how you want to show up, and how you want to engage. Then stay the course.

How you can care for yourself, yes you, during this time. Even if you aren’t Jewish, Palestinian, or Israeli, you too deserve care right now:

Limit your exposure to social media and news to 15 minutes a day. Follow that time with a walk, some nature exposure, a cold glass of water or cup of tea, or some uplifting music.
Lean into in-person socializing with folx who lift you up, leave you feeling invigorated, and connected. If phone calls or zooms are what is available to you, go for it. One on one connection is the antidote to the overwhelm and trauma being circulated in the media.
Commit to oxytocin-inspired activities wherever + whenever you might be able to support your Jewish, Palestinian, and Israeli neighbors, friends, and colleagues; host a meal, send a delight inspired playlist, give/get a hug, go dancing, write and share a poem, go to a movie, share a joyful photo via text. Let oxytocin lead, it will help to counter balance the dopamine, cortisol, and adrenaline pumping through our bodies right now.