About a year ago my bonus Dad, to call him my step-dad seems not quite right, pitched an unorthodox idea to me and by siblings: let’s take a trip together. No spouses, no kids, just us.
This was an unknown, foreign idea to me because, well, we’d never really spent time in this specific orientation, constellation of our family. Just the four of us. As adults or when we were kids. The reasons for that are stressful and I am not much interested in opening the motivations or context for that up. What I will say is that much therapy has been done by all, two of us are decades into our own substance abuse recovery journeys, and we’ve all grown up. Empathy is available for the childhood-era wounds that we carry so that when the scabs and scars get irritated we are better at handling ourselves and each other with kindness, grace, and humor.
So, with all of this in our hearts and nervous systems, we said yes. Turns out, that is something that we are good at as a family. And that “yes” can be, in and of itself, a balm.
For those who are interested in the artists, the art, and the sights of Oaxaca themselves, I will lay those treasures out in the day by day adventures + photos in a longer, detailed section below. Skip ahead if that is what you are here for, otherwise, please indulge me while I get a bit sentimental about these three souls that I love just a little bit.
Let me present here the cast of characters for this story: Bonus-Dad/Sam/Sampa + younger bio-sister, Jordyn + younger step-brother/bonus brother/he is my FULL brother in every way that counts, Zack. Jordyn travelled from Boston, Zack from Little Rock, and Sam and I from Austin to arrive at a shared gate at DFW to travel together for a full week to/around Oaxaca City for a curated, organized Folk Art Tour.
Our trip was full of food, color, sound, creativity, and care. I suppose that most of this is true for most days passed on plant Earth (the care part, that is inconsistent for most of us). All of our days have these common elements but in Oaxaca they are all vivid, technicolor, present in places that you don’t expect them, and offered generously.
The care piece, well, that is where my siblings and Sam really shine. Since Sam entered our lives, there has been more care in them. I feel like its disingenuous for me to write those words without qualifying them with an admission that I was not open to the care that Sam offered until I was in my late twenties. I harbored a deep, enduring resentment towards Sam because he was not my bio Dad. Releasing this is work that I continue to move through, having experienced some significant heart opening towards Sam when I myself became a parent in 2008. The care, the love, the joy that Sam brings to my kids’ lives is something I didn’t even know how to imagine until there it was. There he was, the Dad I’d needed; he’s been there a along.
Sam has had a recent diagnosis that we don’t love. It has physically slowed him down a lot and he wasn’t quick on his feet to begin with. I will say yes to anything this man asks of me in the time that we have left together, in part, because I spent so much time saying no to him. Emphatically, with open hostility and disdain, decades of no. From here on out I say yes!!!!
So off we went to Oaxaca City on an art tour. This is not the sibling vacation the three of us would’ve chosen on our own. The truth is, we wouldn’t of chosen, of committed, to a trip alone together at all. I will speak for myself only here to say that I’ve craved this for years. My siblings are two of my favorite people. But we are busy, there are kids/pets/spouses to navigate, there is the expense of it, the PTO days, the burden of COVID-era travel, and the list goes on and on. But we said yes and so off we went.
As the days rolled out before us we continued to say yes. We said yes to a meal of freshly grilled meat in an open market. We said yes to hours passed each day in a van on unpaved, rural Mexico roads, traveling to village artists studios. We said yes to 10k+ steps a day in service of mariachi bands in town squares, of more tacos always more tacos, of museums, shopping we couldn’t afford, and the quest for non-dairy chocolate. We said yes.
On the first day that we were all together (Zack’s flight was delayed so we were an incomplete set for the first 24 hours) we started our day at a pottery studio (artist details in the travelogue portion below). A male potter sat on a small wooden stool and told us about his family lineage whole he molded, focused on a small ball of clay in his hands. As he spoke about the challenges of maintaining a family business in the modern era and how women aren’t allowed to gather clay (a story for another day) he molded a small whistle shaped like an owl.
One of the members of the gathered tourists asked if there was a significance to the owl as a whistle. The artist shared that owl whistles are used in community ritual when a child has experienced trauma. The whistle is blown to encourage the removal of the trauma from the child’s body, from their memory. The community comes together to care for the child to encourage recovery, forgiveness, and rest.
So at this moment my chest tightened, I looked around at my siblings, at Sam. I was like, um, did anyone catch that????? All four of us experienced childhood trauma that impacts our lives, our health, our love. Their stories are not mine to tell so I will simply share that I felt, at that moment, an opportunity to release some of my own sadness, trauma, fear while feeling safe, seen, and in community with these three humans that I love so tenderly. And so I left some of my own darkness there in that studio, moving with more levity, hope, health into the rest of our adventure.
There were daily moments like this all week, one included a Shaman who shared some observations with me and Sam about our health. That, too, was an unplanned moment of recovery that quietly presented itself and simply asked that we be open to the possibility of it. So we did, we were.
While we traveled the roads of rural Oaxaca together during the day, taking in the nourishing creative inspiration of folk artists, I experienced an increased sense of emotional recovery for myself in this family. We cared for each other, handing around cold water, offering sunscreen, sharing our mole, doing shots of Mezcal, sampling insect snacks. Laughing together, taking in the expansiveness of the shared experience, our hearts opened.
Again their stories are not mine to tell, yet I I think it is safe to say that the four of us would agree that our individual childhoods were not defined by playfulness. I have very few memories of playing as a child, especially with my siblings. Another daily gift that this trip provided us with were numerous opportunities to play together. And play we did!
We played a daily game about guessing how many steps we’d taken, complete with a 5 peso bet each time. This game spread throughout the group we were touring with, spreading the joy and the wealth.
This group of intrepid travelers generously shared their observation of our family dynamic: they called us FUN. That makes me so proud. I feel like that is rarely a word ascribed to me on my own. Without a doubt I am not just a more fun person, but a kinder, more thoughtful, more creative person because of Sam, Jordyn, and Zack.
Our last night in Oaxaca City we at at a restaurant with a plaque reading Tos O Ros, by the door. That translates to treasure. In the moment that felt deeply right as I was searching for a theme, a visual (like I am prone to do) for this time with these people. The treasures I found in Oaxaca, turns out, had been with me all along. They are my family. I will not take them for granted. I will savor my moments with them. I will do my best to care for them the way I would a found treasure: with exuberance, delight, and wonder.
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Tour group: Cambia Cultural Tours (they are THE best and I cannot recommend them with enough enthusiasm and excitement!)
Hotel in Oaxaca City where we stayed: Marialicia Suites
ARRIVAL DAY
We met up a a gate in DFW/Dallas. We then boarded our flight to Oaxaca City MX and after a completely uneventful flight, we easily cleared customs and where then gently transported to our hotel by the local Cambia team. We had a few hours to pass before group dinner and we were hungry so we found our way to our first stunner of a meal in Oaxaca City.
DAY ONE: We started the morning with a gentle walkabout town, orienting us to the layout of Oaxaca City. We say some historical sites, including the seat of Government in Oaxaca City where a stunning mural depicts the history of the region. Then we headed out to meet the first artists on the tour, Ixrael Montes. He is a a Postwar & Contemporary artist who has been featured in the Museum of Fine Arts Houston. We had a private Mezcal tasting back in town and then took in dinner at Casa Oaxaca.
DAY TWO: We headed out to the villages of San Bartolo Coyotpec, Arrazola, and Santa Maria Atzompa. We visited the studios of Carolomango and Magedelna (Adelina) Pedro Martinez who create in black clay. We then headed to the Jimenez family studio, the originator of the alebrije tradition in Oaxaca. From there we headed to the studio of Teresa Gonzalez-Marin + Claudio Ojeda-Morales, a wood carving family that create the MOST fantastical creatures. While here we also saw the work of Pura Sangre, Tereza + Claudio’s son, who work in pen and paper.
DAY THREE: We were whisked away to the villages of Santa del Tule, San Jeronimo Tlacochahuaya, Tlacolula de Matamoros, and Teotitian del Valle. We went to see the studios of see a GIANT + sacred tree in Tule, had a delightful adventure of a meal in a village market where we picked our meal that was BBQ’d right there in the market for us, and then traveled onto a carpet making studio, Bulmaro Perez Mendoza, and a candle making studio headed by Viviana Alavez Hipolito. Then we were surprized with a quick visit to a chocolat shop, where we got to make + sample some chocolate. It was perfect!
DAY FOUR: Was my fave day. We headed to the villages of San Antonino Castillo Velasco and San Martin Tilcajete. We started the day with a spontaneous stop at a traveling carnival to ride some bumper cars. Then took in the gorgeous wares created by Luis Valencia Mendoza, Taller Aguia de Plato, Martin + Melinda Melchor, and Jacobo + Maria Angeles.
DAY FIVE: We journeyed out to the villages of Magdalena Apasco, San Agustin Etia, and Sab Pablo Etia. We started the morning in the intimate home studio of Jose Cruz. Then we learned about blowing glass at an eco-focused factory, Xaquixe. Then we headed to paper making studio of Arte Papel Vista Hermosa, it was stunning. We passed the afternoon wandering the spacious, sublime spaces at Templo De Soledad. We wrapped up the day with a stop at the studio of Angelica Vasquez, a world renowned sculptural who welcomed us into her home garden where she showed us how she makes her own clay!
DAY SIX: Choose your own adventure day! Zack + Jordyn headed out for the day to Hierve El Agua and Mitla. They hiked an archeological site and took in some stunning mineral spings. Sera + Sam stayed in Oaxaca City to wander, get lost, buy packing supplies (ofc), check out the textile museum, took in a protest, and get our steps. We all got the day we wanted and it was perfect.
OTHER MOMENTS OF PERFECTION
PLACES WE ATE
Origen + Tierra del Sol + Dassani + Casa Oaxaca + Las Quince Letras + Cabuche + La Catedral + Los Danzantes + Azucena Zapoteca +