When hard things are happening (and they are, all of the time) we are sometimes desirous of an escape. Our nervous systems ask us to slow down, tune inwards, and connect with sources of oxytocin when things are hard. They might also be asking us to scroll, shout, and scream. Both are completely reasonable responses to tension, fear, conflict, and anxiety. And so I ask you, what responses to hard times will nourish you? Truly?
I propose that escaping with and on purpose is a practice that we could, and perhaps should, deploy during hard times. Escape provides us with the rest that we need to face challenges at our most resourced setting. Giving ourselves regular and timely breaks from the news, from caring for others, from professional work, from contributing to action in the Good Fight, from the struggle of domestic maintenance like dishes and laundry, from the emotional labor that you do, and from all the rest, is required. In fact, I would assert, that granting yourself an intentional and conscious escape is a radical act of resistance towards not just survival but your capacity to thrive.
Often a long-term escape (a ten day vacation to the spot of your dreams) isn’t available. Getting completely away for a long time isn’t a strategy that is available to us all of the time, or when we really need it. So let’s consider the power of a micro-escape. What if what we offer ourselves permission to escape, on and with purpose, in small doses when we are struggling? What if, indeed!
What if we planned conscious, intentional escapes of a duration that we can manage from the noise and activations of daily life during late stage capitalism and the early stage of the apocalypse (you get to define that that is for you)? What might THAT look like? What would you feel like on the other side? Why?
For me, micro-escaping looks like:
Karaoke as therapy. I choose songs that will help me express what I am needing to get out (rage, sadness, loneliness) and then I sing my heart out. Sometimes all alone in my living room, sometimes in a public space. Either way, this helps. The result is loads of endorphins start pumping and I feel deeply happy. Even if just for an hour or so. That makes a difference.
Napping. I let my household/roommates/kids know that I am going to lie down and let them know when I am available for contact. I put on my CPAP machine, my weighted eye mask, and put in my ear plugs. I close the curtains and I put my phone in another room. Then I rest. Deeply. The result (even if it is only for 15 minutes) is that I feel rested, grateful to have tended to myself, and tended to by my family who listened to what I said that I needed.
I take a break from media content that activates me. This could mean no news consumption for a predetermined amount of time. It might mean choosing TV shows that are grounded in humor, nature, or art. The result is that I feel inspired by the art, stories, beauty that I took in. I also often feel able to me more present to what is in front of me and less overwhelmed by the scale of harm happening in the world.
I set my email to OOO for even a 1/2 day to give myself permission to reclaim my time and attention. The result is that my clients and colleagues know when I am and am not available and I can know, feel safe, that I am not missing things. I give myself the gift of not worry about emails for a period of time. The result is that I feel it is easier to focus on putting my attention towards where I am in a given moment.
I meet my friends in real life. For a drive by hug, a walk, to watch a TV show together, to share a meal. More and more I find that what feels truly like an escape is a small, intimate hang so something that looks like one on one time or a small group rather than a dinner party which used to be my go to. Focused time with a friend who is a safe place for me results in me feeling tended to, watered, if you will.
I go for a drive out in the country. I am lucky enough to live in Texas where I can hit the road in any direction and not be too far away from a quiet country road and a big sky to get lost in. I get my fave snacks (iced tea + nacho cheese Doritos), put on a playlist that I love to sing along to, and I get lost. On and with purpose.
I do something new. New experiences are really important to me and my creativity. As I exit a phase of parenting when I’ve been required to repeat the same schedule over and over and over again, I find that there is time in my week now to do new things. In fact, it’s not uncommon for these same kids who are more often than not out in the world on their own things to invite me to do something new with them. THAT results in me feeling connected and energized and tapping some dopamine in ways that are in alignment with my values.
I take myself to a movie. This is such a powerful escape for me. On the other side of 90+ minutes along with a bucket of popcorn I feel reset + like I’ve remembered who I am.
I go swimming (duh). Anywhere. Anytime.
What does a micro-escape look like for you? Feel like? Smell like? How do you want to feel afterwards? Why? What does that experience provide you with? How?
Consider this your invitation to escape. Soak it in. Go back to life. Then repeat. As needed. When needed. For you.
Onwards, y’all!